the major eigenvector is that i have by now wandered very far away from seeing Views as a vector space and instead as an ecological woowoo magma or semigroup.
though of devils, the catholic church has pretty solidly established itself as evil and not worth engaging with (at least certainly in my milieu, if not necessarily globally) – the next time i have a desire to go to church I really have no idea where I will go, but Catholic churches no longer seem to be an obvious and worthwhile choice. I have confirmed pretty thoroughly I think that whatever it is that makes you think the Real Presence is the Real Deal to keep you coming back not only doesn’t work for me, but never did.
studying occultism has had its usual effect, though mild, and I think I actually believe the Esoteric Molinism stuff, but not hard enough for anything supernatural or even spectacular to have happened, although i can’t shake the feeling it should do.
politically i have settled down uneasily into incoherent myopic powerless failed-student Hong Xiuquan Early Life pre-brekdowb cynical bureaucratdom, conscious of sin and the lack of any better alternative presenting itself. I am decidedly stuck now not believing in professional striverism at all which is well because it is too late in the day for me to achieve anything in any profession, barring a major shock of the type which has been known to happen. i await, if not the revolution, then the war. i expect nothing good of things “sharpening and coming to a point”.
I have, I think, completely lost whatever sympathy for Gaians I ever had, globally as well as locally.